Finally, I have a “regular” day job after 16 years as a nurse.
Finally, I come and go via an underground subway tunnel at the same time each work day. It’s amazing how good I feel when I sleep on a regular schedule, wake on a regular schedule, and generally take care of myself. All the years of sleep deprivation, rotating shifts, irregular mealtimes, not enough water every day… it’s no wonder I was a crabby mommy on my days off. After making “the switch” to my new day job my husband decided to weigh in. Here I quote him, “I didn’t know you could be so nice”. Ouch.
I guess I am a creature of habit.
It was cold outside. (Winter usually is.) I would walk the same subway tunnels into work several mornings each week at the same time. Occasionally it felt like I was on a mechanical wheel. I started to wonder, “Didn’t I do this already?” Walking to the same job on a routine began to feel cumbersome instead of healthy. Winter became dreary. I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I started to wonder if I took the wrong job. Doubts would creep in and I struggled to push them away. I began to drink more coffee…no judgement please.
That’s when I noticed the woman in the subway.
Every morning, as I walked in, she was walking out. She was slender and not very tall, wore brown glasses with a straight bob haircut. This woman was possibly in her mid-forty’s. She always wore clothing in shades of brown and grey. She, too, was bundled up to face the cold as she headed for her car. Only she had worked all night. It was crystal clear in the lines of her face…she was weary. She couldn’t wait to sleep.
I began to look for her each morning. I began to wonder about her life. I wanted to know where she worked, what she had been doing all night, and if she would get the rest she needed today.
I opened my heart and began to care.
Maybe it was God caring for her through me. When I began to care about her, each morning as I walked through the subway, I began to care less about myself. The doubts of my work life began to go away. My spirit seemed renewed as I focused on someone else to start each day instead of myself. It didn’t feel routine anymore. I began to smile when I saw her and try to get her to look up to meet my eyes. I began to nod a hello. I just wanted her to know she wasn’t invisible. I wanted to know her name and who she really was in her soul, not just who I judged her to be on the outside. Perhaps the only thing we had in common was that 5-minute walk down a very long hallway several days per week. That’s ok. I just wanted her to know her life and her being here was important to the world.
She had left a mark. She was special.
I haven’t seen her for several months. The weather is warmer. She doesn’t walk in the subway in the morning anymore. But, I have some closure. The last morning, I saw her look up and smile back at me. Then we walked on. I still drink my coffee, probably more than I should. However, the woman in the subway taught me to look at the people around me. Pay attention. It’s not all about me. It’s about them. Share joy and light from your soul. At some point, you may need someone to really see and care about you. You don’t even need to know their names.
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